In The Arms of Your Significant Being: Velma

Velma and I were not lovers. We had sex but never made love. And the one time that we had sex, it was forced. And I was the aggressor.

I had had a particularly bad day. Work was unrelenting and Wild was acting up with me. Velma and I had made plans together earlier in the week. We were to meet for drinks at Orsay and then dinner at her place. I was running late that day so I rang her and we decided to skip the drinks.

I made my way to Velma’s place, a cute Co-op in the 60’s between Lexington and Third. It had belonged to her mother and she inherited the place when her mother passed away a few years ago. I was still in a foul mood when I arrived at her place. I had actually thought of canceling but decided that her company might be just what I needed to calm me down. Unfortunately it was the wrong decision. Somehow the conversation turned into why she was never interested in being intimate with me. Sure, we would be close and hug but never as lovers.

I asked her point blank why she didn’t want to have sex with me. She was visibly bothered by the question. She stammered for an answer but it came out lopsided with a rendition of her not thinking of me in that way. I pressed her in what way she did think of me. Again, she was hedging for an answer. In retrospect I should have known that this wasn’t Velma’s thing…to be cornered into reacting in personal and intimate areas. It just wasn’t something she felt comfortable. I knew it. But I pressed on.

Velma finally tried to explain that she was afraid our friendship and closeness would be forever altered if we tried to be lovers. I countered by asking her how she was able to arrive at that conclusion. As she was searching for a response, I stood up and grabbed her. She was startled and she half stood up, at which point I drew her close to me and kissed her aggressively. She hesitated and tried to pull back but responded shortly. I pulled back away from her and looked at her, not knowing what to do next and already regretting what I had done.

Velma looked back at me and without saying anything led me out of the dining room into her bedroom. Still, without a sound, she started to undo her blouse. I didn’t know what to do and sensing this, she started to unbutton me. I started to mumble that we didn’t need to do this, however, she continued with a pause. She led me into bed and asked me to hold her. They were the only words she said for the rest of the night. It was the first and only time we were together. Although we remained close after that night, there was something I lost with Velma that night.