In The Arms of Your Significant Being: West

I had a strong, immediate connection with West. Not only was she beautiful, but engaging, personable and an immediate friend. We met in the conference room and we ended up talking about our entire life in an one hour period. The world stopped for us and went around us. West told me about her father's illness and how that became a life altering event. It took her away from Los Angeles and into a path she hadn't considered. It's ironic now, two years later how she despises the institution which she credits to saving her father's life.

We talked again later that night. This time about my marriage, the breakup and why I find myself alone in Los Angeles. I was attracted to her, but at the same time felt this kinship. It was the rediscovery of a long lost friend. And I think West felt similarly.

West's life story is patchy. I know chunks of certain vertical time periods but not what connects each space in time. She tells me that she's had several long term relationships, which, I didn't doubt for a second. But what puzzeled me was why such a beautiful, eligible creature had never been married. From what she tells me there were countless proposals. Timing never seemed to be right for her. When he was ready, she wasn't. When she was ready to marry, he wasn't. Hard to believe some man would turn her down or even begin to imagine that they weren't ready to take West's hand. But as I have come to know her, there is something about West which put a damper on a relationship: if you were a possessive soul, West would be a problem. West belongs to the world. And the world belongs to her. She's a tireless soul. A caring person who will go beyond for others. And I don't know if a person who only wants to care for her would be enough for her. Although in the end, that is the affection she craves.

West tells me she's searching for the soul mate. How would she know if she met one? She remarked to me once that she had no problems letting him know. She's not afraid to tell hem. I still wonder though if she'll recognize him even when he presents himself. Of course I'm thinking about myself. And no, West hasn't spoken up to me.

What I do know about West is that she will end up with someone out of familiarity or convenience. "I know him. I can anticipate his actions. I know he cares for me." I suppose it's a form of giving in or "dakyo" as it's more appropriately called in Japanese. I hope she feels comfort in this. I'm still battling the idea. Perhaps because I have this fear that if I give in to "dakyo" at this point, my entire past would have meant a meaningless struggle. Although conversely this stubborness may be at the core of my problems. Maybe there is no significant being outside of yourself and your selfishness mares your vision. Is that why in order to clearly see, you have to detach?

I recently heard that West is engaged with that fellow. What happened? Was the blur which made her unable to see come into focus? Or did she give in to "dakyo" so that a sense a being might finally materialize? I'm sure I'll never learn why.