In The Arms of Your Significant Being: Sayuri

Two months after we broke up, I met Sayuri for dinner. We had written each other a few notes back and forth and upon my return from Santo Domingo, she wrote that she’d be happy to be there for me if I wanted to talk.

I talked to her about what I felt and experienced in Santo Domingo. The finality and how the entire ordeal was anti-climatic. I actually think Sayuri was surprised that I had actually gone through with it.

We caught up on what had been going through after our last time together. Sayuri mentioned that she had been with someone and it seemed a rather intense relationship. I caught her up on the dating I had done and my current status. I think she rather enjoyed the evening and was actually surprised when she admitted that I was the only individual she kept in touch with [so to speak] with whom she had a relationship. I didn’t ask, but couldn't help wondering what it was that was so special [if indeed that’s what it was] about me. Could it have been the time we spent together? I’m not sure.

Sayuri mentioned that she wasn’t aggressively pursuing a relationship as she had done in the past. She was more for just letting things happen. She was seeking someone with whom she could have a deep connection. I felt sad when she said this. I took it as admittance that she wouldn’t ever have those feelings for me. Perhaps she’s right, but it’s always sad to hear it. It was similar to the subtle hurt West evoked in me from time to time when she spoke of her search for a soul mate.

I value how Sayuri has come to be a part of my life. I think of her often and wish I could spend more time. I also feel sad every time I see her, as it’s a reminder of how she can exist without me being part of her life. Perhaps in the end that’s what she's seeking--to be in the arms of someone whom she could not exist without. And I, as with her, am on the same quest.